MERRY CHRISTMAS!

The folks at HeavyLunch wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

MUNSON: The legend continues...

I hope everyone got to hear Munson's call from the Tech game...this year's was an instant classic. The man sounded 20 years younger and in rare form. If you want to hear the final 26 minutes of the game, you absolutely must click here. If you were wondering whether Loran or Larry would expire first, Munson gives you the play-by-play.

Six in a Row: Fear the Big Toe!

Six in a row...that's one hand and Tony Taylor's size 13 instep planted ankle-deep into Tech's Season of Dreams. That was one awesome clean-and-jerk he performed on that fumble recovery.

What a game, what a game! The TECH fans at church (the ones who showed up) were mighty quiet and reflective this morning.

Munson sounded 20 years younger and was in classic form, especially at the end.

CMR promoted Bobo to handle offensive play-calling. I guess CMR does go blogging every now and then....(yeah, right. I'm sure he's taking my advice now). Just in case you are checking the blog today: C0ach, please limit runs from the shotgun to trash time at G-Day.

Finally, Reggie Ball was named Georgia's Offensive Player of the Game. Thanks for all the great memories these past four years! We'll miss you! Chan Gailey for Coach of the Year!

I quote from Ben D's pre-Tech email:

...But in this season of uncertainty in Athens, one thing will always remain. We will still beat the Bumblebees.

As long as Reggie Ball is healthy, we will beat Tech. As long as Reggie Ball stays healthy, Calvin Johnson will be a non-factor in his last regular season collegiate game of his career. As long as Reggie Ball is healthy, Chan Gailey will be on a hot seat. And as long as Reggie Ball is healthy- Tech is destined to lose.

My friends, that was a stone cold lead pipe lock. Nice call, Ben!

Quote of the Week: (from Cory McCartney's CNNSI column this AM):


"He was kicking and shoving people. He's 0-4 against Georgia, so you can't really blame him. I might be kicking and shoving guys too if that was my record against them."

--Georgia defensive tackle Ray Gant on Georgia Tech quarterback Reggie Ball, who was picked off with a minute remaining to endure his fourth loss to the in-state rival, 15-12.

WILL IT HAPPEN? CAN IT HAPPEN 2 WEEKS IN A ROW?

Lies, Damned Lies, and Recrootin'

Tech Motivational Poster

We need this one bad.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

Who knew Lee Harvey Oswald liked the War Kitties?

I feel like Brad...don't know whether to be happy or angry that the Dawgs finally put a complete game together. Personally, I am going to choose to be.....HAPPY. It's not every day we beat a top five team on their turf. If we lose to TECH, 7-0 over UNC---that Tech, then I will choose to be angry.

But, in keeping with my mantra to bring a suggested solution to potential problems, here's what the Dawgies need to do when the Bees come callin':

1) Bring the pressure against Reggie Ball. If you think Patrick Cox looked shaky under pressure, expect at least six picks if we can get our paws on Ball early and often. Give him time, a la our performance against UT's Ainge, and we'll have another Heisman candidate on our hands. Make Ball beat us. In other words, make Ball work for us.

2) Really, that's it. Use the same tub of Stickum our WRs used against Auburn, GATA, and keep these two stats in mind:

Kregg Lumpkin 21 carries, 105 yards, 5.0 avg

Danny Ware 8 carries, 20 yards, 2.5 avg.

As one H. Walker once said, "The ball ain't heavy."

While I thought during the game that we finally were going to predominately use "Krigg" at tailback because of his better production vs. Ware over the past few games, I later found out that Ware was injured, thus eliminating our fetish ability to platoon. I hate it when guys get hurt, but Ware probably would've had more carries if he were healthy. Anyway, I hope he heals quickly.

Southerland is the Man.

I am licking my chops because I've got two whole weeks to Hate Tech Now.

Buzzzzzzzzzz buzzz buzz.

RETIREMENT HOME ABUSE IN OPELIKA,AL

This is a true story, related to me by my Uncle Kermit in B'ham:

Back at the beginning of the season, I mentioned an emerging story of retirement home abuse in Opelika, right up I-85 from Auburn. It was reported to this blog that the elderly mother of a Bulldog alum recently sold her home in southwest Georgia and moved to a nice facility to be closer to her family over in Birmingham.

All seemed to be well for the first few weeks, then the son got a disturbing phone call from his mom: "Son, we have got to beat those bastards this year!"

Now Worried Son: "What do you mean, Mom? Are they treating you well? Tell me what's going on!"

Mom: "It's all these Auburn fans that live in this place. They are some of the most obnoxious, worst people I have ever been around! Georgia has GOT to beat Auburn this year!"

Open letter to CMR and the rest of the Bulldog crew headed to the Lovliest Village:

Dear Georgia Football:

Please, for the love of Pete, if for no other reason than to save our season, beat those bastards for all the little old Georgia Bulldog ladies in their golden years stuck watching football with a bunch of obnoxious Auburn invalids.

Love,

The Blog

Rock Bottom?

Not yet...though I can hear the hull scraping pretty loudly. We'll know what rock bottom truly is if things don't go well the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

One interesting note from Saturday's debacle against KY: Many Kentucky fans were arrested on the field after the game for carrying scissors to the end zone. It is believed they were looking for a net to cut down, and in the confusion only had time to tear down one set of goal posts.

It is embarrassing to lose to a basketball school in a high school stadium that half their fans mistake for Rupp Arena on the day most of them cared more about the Breeder's Cup.

Trivia Question: When Kregg averages over 8 yards a carry in the first half, and over six for the game, why in the world does he only get 2 carries in the second half?

Answer: Because we have an offensive coterminator instead of an offensive coordinator. Promote Bobo Now!

Happy Halloween!

This exciting close-up action pic of the Man-O-Lantern shows Phatty Phil in dire need of some Kleenex. Of course, UGA receivers couldn't catch a cold this year.

BTW, the neighborhood kids are gonna love it. How do I know? My daughter came up with the idea. What a perfect way to put salve on another Gator beatdown...find a way to pick at UT.

Question for J-79: You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose. But do you want to pick your friend's nose?

THE WORLD'S LARGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY... MIKEY ADAMS EGO MASSAGE Hell, we'll call it what it is...The Fall Spring Break for Adults

If you ever wondered where the "Cocktail Party" nickname came from, this article explains it.

I've been to the game--I think I saw it in one of those books called "100 Things Every Guy Must Do Before He Dies". I rarely think about going again...in '92, after a buddy of mine got stabbed in the abdomen down at the Landing by a tank-topped mullet after trading such vicious,poisoned barbs as "Go Dawgs" and "Go Gators", I might need a club level seat and a helicopter to get me in and out. Except for the potential for getting cut, it really is a hell of a good time. While the UF students lately have gotten the attention for unfortunate incidents while down there (more on that later), for the adults, it really has the feel of 1980's Spring Break in Panama City, with fewer whippets, more V&T. ( Of course, I refer to the PC before MTV showed up and every pasty Yankee from Maine to Minnesota invaded the Redneck Riviera).

Here are some of my favorite memories of the Cocktail Party:

I assume you know the rest of the story...in 1980, I listened to the game on my grandparents' radio. I had no idea how important it was until my best friend and NFL teammate(Neighborhood Football League) Diamond Dave recited the "Run Lindsey" Munson call every time he ran for a long touchdown in backyard games. For the next two years.

In 1992, my one standout memory of the old Gator Bowl was how the fans were seated in the stadium. It was really cool, quartered around with a definite line between Red & Black and Orange & Blue at the 50's and the midpoint of each end zone. Even cooler--you could see fights breaking out all along the skirmish lines towards the top of some sections.

Later, after GA succumbed to the quarterback draw on 4th and long, I learned an important lesson first hand. The Florida Gators have no class. News flash, you say? I grew up hating Auburn and Tech, but Florida was still the team we had steamrolled for oh so many years. This was early in the Spurrier era, and we weren't used to the beatings yet. After their 24-22 win, the UF players came over to the GA student section and danced, shot birds, and taunted the crowd. It's the only time I've ever been in an angry mob. I mean, we were pissed. There was a chain link fence separating the crowd from the players and there were students climbing up to vent their anger. Cups full of bourbon and the occasional liquor bottle were hurtled onto the field. It was a cross between the Blues Brothers playing at the country-western bar and the Alabama student section celebrating a TD. Fortunately, some assistant coaches came over and got their players away before it got really ugly.

Later, after easing the sting of defeat down at the Landing, we watched The Nature Boy (and Chief Cheeseball Gator Fan) Ric Flair scream out, "If you wanna be The Man, you gotta beat The Man...Whoooooooo!" about forty times at Hooters. --Fast forward about five hours. We spent the night somewhere in the greater Jacksonville area in a hotel room that nominally sleeps four. I counted twelve bodies the next morning, all fully clothed and still ineligible to operate a vehicle...they just crashed wherever an open spot was. I knew only one other person in the room. I still have no idea where this hotel was, or how we got there. But it was free to the wallet and free of Florida fans, two very important factors to consider.

In 2001, another loss; but nevertheless a special Cocktail Party seeing as yours truly had proposed to the future Mrs. Lunch (aka Miss Sensible Dinner) the day before on St. Simons. Brad, Paulson and Richie treated us to a bottle of champagne and dinner the night before. I got the feeling that it was the complete opposite of what would've happened had we been Florida alumni (where they would've eaten all the food, drank all the beer, teased each other's mullets, hit on my fiance', etc.) Georgia folks just have so much more class.

Feeling giddy, having engaged in a few cocktails, the newly engaged Heavy Lunch told his intended that he had a heavy bladder. But it was a long, long way to the Porta-Potties...and there was a TV station with nice tall shrubbery right behind our tailgate! I put my political science degree to use: Washington, D.C. has nothing on me when it comes to leaking to the media.

Little did I know that I was being watched...when I looked into the eyes of the local Pee Police. A short, swarthy man who was visibly upset, he took my driver's license, copied something down in a little notebook, and asked me if I wanted to go to jail. "No, sir," I said. I promised not to do that again, and promptly told my fiance' that I almost got arrested for peeing in the bushes. Feigning embarassment, she responded, "It's a good thing you gave me this ring yesterday". This would be a recurring theme the rest of the season; indeed, the rest of the engagement.

I waited a few minutes and began to warn everybody within earshot about the "pervert in the bushes getting his jollies watching people pee". Needless to say, privacy was restored to the privy hedge at WKRP in Jax...I have yet to hear from either the State of Florida or the rental security company about this incident.

One of my favorite Grizzard stories: Lewis Grizzard once wrote about watching the old Gator Bowl security carry out a Georgia fan who was desperately sucking as much liquor as he could from the surgical tubing he had wrapped around his body. He was discovered when the tubing snaked out of the bottom of his britches leg. Little known factoid: This event may have inspired the guy who later invented the CamelBak. Of course, a Ziploc, some duct tape, and a hot date in a sundress is much less risky.

Here's my point: My little stories are pretty benign when it comes to Cocktail Party legend-making. I'm sure most of you know someone who imbibed a little too much and took a holiday from history during GA/FLA week. It's really no different than any other college football rivalry game...just that the nickname is true to what actually goes on.

As we've seen throughout the country recently, effeminate elite liberal types who went to lacrosse schools and think Dodgeball, Musical Chairs or Tag lower the self-esteem of kids at recess have resorted to their catch-all solution: Thought policing. If you can control the words, maybe you can control what happens eventually. In his never-ending quest to turn Georgia into the "UVA of the Deep South" (read: Better school, sucky football atmosphere) Mikey has tried to sanitize the tailgating at home by stomping on longstanding traditions. He and his comrade at UF have now pressured the gutless wonders at ESPN and CBS Sports to totally refrain from the phrase "Cocktail Party" during broadcasts...or even the reporting of the game.

At this rate, North Campus on gameday will resemble Red Square, soul-less and gray. Wait, that's already happened! To paraphrase Sting, I hope the Florida fans love their children, too.

Does anyone think this will change the behavior? Simply not using the nickname? Puh-leeze.

What is the solution? Just don't let Florida fans drink, for the love of Pete. The UF fan lives all year in a state with mandated watered-down beer. His measly half-Yankee, half-trailer-trash body has built up a tolerance for the Natch Light while auditioning for episodes of "Cops" and "Jerry Springer". He hears someone say, "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" at his cousin's UF Alumni party (aka Happy Hour at Tweezer's Bait Shop and Bar) and he shows up at Alltel Stadium with the hard stuff. Next thing you know, UF fans are swinging by their mullets from ceiling fans. Even worse, they're catching their weenies in the zippers of their jean shorts (oddly enough, this happens in Porta-Potties--they call it "indoor plumbing". Generally, the weekend becomes a race to see who can get to That Big Ol' Student Section in the Sky.

Bartender, please cut these people off.

It might not seem like it right now, but I still hate Tech more. Another lesson learned the hard way.

Go Dawgs!

I've Got a Fevuh...

...and the only prescription is more cowbell. Make that a double dose, please.

Click on those two links and tell me Christopher Walken can't light a fire under a team, baby.

Who can fix what's ailin' ya? A date with Mississippi State!

Here's an oldie but goodie that I never get tired of: How many Miss St. grads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. Starkville looks better in the dark.

I just hope Athens looks better on the radio this Saturday. Go Dawgs!

Time Warp

Tonight, we're gonna party like it's 1994. The best thing about our loss to Vandy is I didn't have to pull real hard for Auburn later.

In my mind, the moment in the game where we could've ended it (contrary to some of our players' thinking that the Tony Taylor interception ended things) was our offensive series with six minutes to go after the Vandy punter gifted us with a 6-yard shank.

As longtime Bulldog partisan Diamond Dave has said in these situations: "Our goal in life at that point is to run the football and kill clock." We threw the ball twice, effectively giving Vandy two free timeouts (with the VU facemask penalty and our subsequent drop) when we had effectively run the ball most of the game. Our offensive coordinator's fetish for throwing in clock-killing situations gave Vandy the time they needed to methodically march down the field and break our hearts with two seconds.

Enough of that. I leave the hard analysis to Ben and the others who really know what they're talking about.

Here's my thought on what happened yesterday. You've probably read that coal miners used to warn themselves about deadly gas buildups by taking a canary down into the mines with them. Since canaries are ultra-sensitive to poisonous gases, they were an early-warning indicator of trouble ahead because they would die, leaving time for the miners to get themselves out of peril.

In 1994, the canary died on homecoming day...major changes happened immediately from a coaching standpoint. The canary gagged and wheezed during Jim Donnan's three-year losing streak to Tech (But he had a winning record and we won five straight bowls! Note: You Don't Lose to Tech 3X in a Row. Ever. Ask Johnny Griffith. Thus endeth the lesson) CMR is light-years ahead of Ray Goff, and I believe CMR is the best thing to happen to Georgia Football in a long time. But the Tom Glavine Business School Approach our players seem to take with our opponents (Gee, Vandy's been so close this year against Michigan, etc...Vandy always plays us tight) and acting like this Vandy loss is like losing to legitimate perennial powers like UT, Auburn or Florida....well, I can hear the little yellow bird hacking it up now. Defensive coordinators, beware.

Go Dawgs.

High Times at Vandy

At first, I was looking forward to ribbing Vandy a little bit when I heard the VU president's wife was firing up fatties in their on-campus residence. But after a little research, I learned she does it to alleviate nausea from an inner-ear disorder.

I can't think of anything more miserable than feeling nauseous and not being able to do anything about it. That being said, without getting into the legalities of medicinal marijuana use, I hope she gets well and no longer suffers from that miserable condition.

Speaking of being nauseous, I just thought about the 1994 homecoming game we had with Vandy. I had a date to that game that put on a clinic of How Not To Behave. We sat with her grandparents during the second half, on the 50 about 5 rows behind the Georgia bench. We were losing control of the game (one wild rumor had it that the team was protesting the Homecoming queen selection), and she let the bench (and everyone in our section) know that it was happening against Vanderbilt. ("@#$#%@# VANDERBILT!" she said. "Oh, wow," I thought, "time to go!" I led her up the stairs and I looked to my right.

Now, think of a person from your hometown that you would not want to see while the drunkest, angriest and loudest Georgia co-ed since Grizzard's third ex is hanging on your arm. That's right: I looked into the eyes of my church's senior minister, sitting four rows back, the one who never called me anything but my full name. My "in-trouble" name. And that's all he said to me in my sorry situation. I turned as red as my shirt and introduced my date to his wife, who came bounding down the steps to hug my neck. "Oh, you are a sweetie!" she said to my semi-conscious date, pretending that none of the 89,000 or so in the stadium were one liquor drink away from my date's condition.

Thankfully, the church's motto is: "Forgiveness is our business."

Go Dawgs. Beat Vandy like they owe us money.

UGA-ly

I hope the headline of this post doesn't generate any letters from Governor Perdue. If you really want to see an ugly headline, check out the Mobile Press Register's thoughts on Auburn's performance this past Saturday. (Thanks to Uncle Kermit in B'ham; he sent me the previous link and this War Eagle venting. Things aren't so bad around here, now are they?

I'm surprised that perennial AL gubernatorial candidate Charles Barkley hasn't fired off a letter in protest. Probably has better things to do, like eat.

I have to give J-79 some credit. He predicted a two TD win for his VOLS in a post comment he made here recently. Nice going and congrats.

Folks, I'm no expert football prognosticator, but I play one on this blog. I said all last week* that if our offense could find 20 points (and we found 19), we would win the game because of our defense.

Whoops. Whoda thunk we'd score 33 and get blown out? I guess that bucket of KFC I sacrificed Friday night in the cemetary worked**, because our receivers sure stepped up big. Maybe I should have run for the border and offered up some Taco Bell for our defense.

Up next: Vandy. Check back Friday for an update on their party school reputation.

*But not in writing. Some prognosticator I am, I know.

** I chickened out. We ate KFC for Sunday dinner. And I live less than 150 yards from a cemetary. Instead, I watched "Major League" and asked Jaboo to come, take fear from WR hands.

Tennessee and the Art of Haiku

Check out this site: UT fans love poetry, and really love the haiku (link). Yours truly added one yesterday to their site, but I saved the best (or worst; I'm no poetry critic) for you.

Likkered-up dirtnecks
Passed out in streets of Athens
Orange same shade as puke

Remember, 5 syllables first line, 7 syllables second, then back to 5 syllables in the third.

Feel free to add your own in the comments section. Here are a couple of 7-syllable lines that I didn't have time to complete. Use these if you need to!

• Children of the Corn Liquor
• Won't need no stinkin' kicker

CMR Coaches 'Em Up on the Big Screen

You are probably aware that CMR made his big-screen debut in a cameo in "Facing the Giants", a movie produced by a Baptist church in Allbenny, GA. The full articles can be found here and here.

For those of you who like Trivial Pursuit and like the Entertainment questions:

TRIVIA QUESTION (multiple choice): Which of the following lines most likely resembles the dialogue between CMR and the young coach in the scene shot above?

1. CMR: Coach, if you graduate any receivers that can catch and send them to me, I'll hire you as WR coach!

2. CMR: Well, we've tried this drill where we shoot tennis balls at our receivers at 90 MPH to help them see the ball better. What do you think?
Young Coach: I'd use a football.

3. Young Coach: Coach Richt, it just seems like the team and I are always facing 3rd and long in life. What should we do?
CMR: Run the sprint draw.

4. Young Coach: Coach, the league we play in has this weird rule that "everybody must play". I think it's hurting our team's chances...my RB's and QB's don't seem to get into the flow of the game. What should I do?
CMR: Your league has that rule? Written down? That is very cool. I bet nobody ever thinks of transferring on you!

Escape from Ted's Montana Grill Sanford Stadium

Whew.

About halfway through the second quarter, all my ideas for today's blog went out the window. It no longer made sense to tell the fib that Ted Turner had opened a new Ted's Montana Grill in Athens, seating 92,734. No Filet Ralphieon medium rare to go with the sack of Idaho potatoes coach Dan Hawkins brought from Boise last year to Sanford. No cracks about Colorado finally having a male placekicker and a female mascot, not vice versa. And certainly no mention of how Colorado got beat by a I-AA team that then lost to a Division II team, the equivalent of us losing to Ga Southern and then having GSU lose to Albany State. Totally out-of-line to talk about that after wiggling out of this one.

On top of that, we'll probably never hear Munson's 2006 Colorado call added to the highlights we play during tailgates in the years to come (Prediction: By then, playing of Munson calls will be deemed "inappropriate for the family tailgating experience" by the administration). To make matters worse, when we scored the winning TD, I got in trouble for my behavior. No, this was not a repeat of the 2001 Auburn tantrum*. Nor did I use any four-letter words in front of my three-year-old daughter (aka Lite Afternoon Snack). My offense was worse than the sprint draw on 4th and 3. I yelled so loud that I might have woken LAS up from her nap. Thankfully, she's a sound sleeper. (A quick aside: LAS knows to say the pledge to the American flag and "Goooooo Dawgs, Sic 'em" to the Bulldog flags she sees in the neighbors' yards. So cute.)

It was eerie how most of this game felt like the Sugar Bowl against Greased Lightning West Virginia. It was like going to Outback (hope I'm not foreshadowing anything) Steakhouse, having slow service, cold food, flat beer and waitstaff that keeps dropping the bread on the floor. But then...right when the experience has gone as badly as possible, the manager shows up and comps your meal, even giving you a gift certificate for a Bloomin' Onion next time you come.
You thank the manager for salvaging the dinner and agree with him that you hope the next time will be better. You hope the food comes out well-prepared, hot, and not in need of a good zapping halfway through the meal. If they have to, they'll put some stick-um on the servers' hands so they won't dump the tea in your lap. You smile and let the manager know you're coming back soon, in two weeks to be exact, and you are bringing a big-time business client in for dinner. Your year is dependent on this meeting going well, and you hope everything will be ready to go. Because your client is going to eat a lot...and he is hungry. (click for client's resume')

*Don't ask. I am lucky my wife (aka Sensible Dinner) agreed to continue our engagement.

POLL QUESTION: "The Golden Age of Auburn Football"

An alert fan, one Kermit Z. Peters of Birmingham, heard an ESPN reporter say Saturday that we are experiencing "the Golden Age of Auburn Football".

Let's see...since 2000:

1 SEC Championship (2004)

1 "People's Choice" National Championship (2004). The People's Choice Awards also chose Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts and ARRRRRRGH Pirates of the Carribean that year. Haven't noticed a "2004" banner or statuette at Jordan-Hare next to the "1957" national championship banner. Perhaps I missed the presentation ceremony when Charlie Sheen handed the precious Waterford crystal over to an emotional Coach Tuberville.

By the way, Kermit Z Peters' finger was removed from his throat without surgery, thank goodness!

Ben Strikes Again

Another Nugget from Ben:

As another festive week of football flies by, let's take a look at what's already taken place and what may lie ahead.

1. I got caught behind a Marta bus this morning about a mile from work which made me a few minutes late into work. As I started to pound the steering wheel in anger, I paused for a moment and told myself "Hey it's not that bad... I could be Larry Coker at Miami". Supposedly a press conference for tomorrow at 3pm is scheduled from what rivals.com message boards are saying. And it ain't to announce the upcoming women's volleyball team schedule. I hope these reports pan out and he's ousted. I would look for Tuberville to be on a short list of possible replacements. He would fit the image well at Miami. I'd imagine CMR's name would be thrown around some but I wouldn't think it'd go very far from their end or CMR's end.

2. As I was telling some people earlier in a conversation, I think LSU is going down the same road Miami is currently. LSU is just a few steps behind at the moment as Les Miles hasn't had enough time to completely downgrade the program yet. I was able to attend the Aub/ LSU game Saturday and you just see nothing from the LSU players and coaches that shows fire to win and leadership in crunch time. In this league- that equates to losses against pretty good teams. Aub had no business winning that game but LSU cannot execute when it matters. LSU looks great coming off the bus, but rest assured they can't get the job done when they need to. If they keep him another two years, LSU will be a team consistently ranked in the 15-20 range. Nice team, a lot of talent, no clue what to do with it.

3. Same as above but insert Alabama instead of LSU. Shula is in over his head still, but all we keep hearing is "give him some time..." A coach who is incapable of leading a team to significant victories is nothing more than a coach who is incapable of leading his team to significant victories. We can wait till 2010 if they want- but it'll be the same ol' same ol'.

4. The ACC is now just decrepit. I hope ABC has a clause they can exercise to show Wild Kingdom repeats or maybe they can buy Fashion Runway from the Bravo network and show it on Saturdays at 3:30. There have been too many embarrassing losses already to even mention. That conference is WAY off this go round, at the top and at the bottom. Any time you hear a commentator say "GA Tech has a legitimate shot at winning their division" you know the conference is way off. How funny would it be to see Reggie Ball hoisting the division title trophy up in the air come November. He'd probably put a tattoo on the figurine or something. What a thug. But he's a whole other email.

5. TN left everything they have on the field Saturday against Fla. They came close but that's about it for them. I look for them to find another two or three losses this season. We should beat them (given Stafford starts of course), and just unplug the tv when Ala and SC play them. The US World Cup team may score more points than TN, Ala, and SC.

6. Auburn being # 2 is kind of funny. Top 10 for sure but they're not one of the elite teams by any stretch in my opinion. LSU handed them their lunch for the most part but a lack of leadership and focus spelled their downfall on the scoreboard. Aub is a solid team and really makes you work hard to beat them but a team that plays sound football and remains focused can do it. That team could very well be us if Joe T just keeps the head set on and carries the clipboard.

7. Very good chance for our third straight shutout this weekend against Colorado. They are nothing short of morbid. It'll be fun though to see their mascot Ralphie charge onto the field before the game. I believe it's the first time he's made an away trip they say. Which is exactly why I'm ending this one now, I'm talking about their mascot instead of a good matchup on the field. Dawgs by 27. Would be by 37 if we had some receivers (see any past email I've sent).

8. Notre Dame is an average team at best. If I hear another person talk about Brady Quinn, I may start doing Traci Goldman impersonations and throw up repeatedly. I just don't see it. Didn't see it last year either. The kid is not all that at least in my opinion. FINALLY I read this morning where several NFL scouts are starting to have serious concerns about his pro ability. Guess time will tell. He can always tell his kids though that he was better than Reggie Ball.

9. Sign in the Auburn student section during the game... "LSU BLEAUXS".

10. South Carolina is so bad it's funny. I was one of the folks picking them in a chic upset of UGA a couple weeks ago. What can transpire in two weeks time is astounding. I wouldn't have picked them in an upset though had I known Stafford would play the whole game pretty much for whatever it's worth. Wofford had a 3rd and goal with 30 seconds left to tie the game against them this past Saturday. Ouch. Maybe Spurrier would be interested in the Miami position when it becomes open.

That's all for now. I hate typing. Let's take care of business this week and next, then handle the Pumpkins when they come to town. We ought to build a tollbooth in Rockmart and charge a .50 cent toll for every Camaro that crosses into GA the weekend of Oct 7th. We could send many an underprivileged child to school for years with that revenue.

Ben

Ever Heard This One Before?

Ryan Callahan of Knoxville's The Tennessean wrote post UT-UF (Full Article) :

To linebacker Jerod Mayo, it almost didn't feel like Tennessee lost.
"I still feel we were the better team," Mayo said. "We just didn't make the plays when we needed to."

Like Gary McCord suggests to amateur golfers when they hit a bad shot: Never Blame Yourself.
Blame it on invisible alien space rays, but don't beat yourself up over it.

To be fair, the UT player later creditied UF coaches and players for stepping up. But the "we were the better team" even though they lost is getting to be pretty humourous (and expected).

Spurrier Quote(s) of the Week, Part II

I never thought we'd see the Ol Ball Coach take a page from the Phil Fulmer playbook...when your team underperforms (or more likely, performs as should really be expected), blame the refs! (click for link to article)

On a side note, a buddy of mine has predicted that South Carolina would win the SEC East in three years. Once I cleared the beer from my sinus cavity...

It's Mighty Hard Out There for a PimpCoach

For future reference, not much will be said on this blog about the ACC, unless we're talking about the North Avenue Trade School or if Ben riffs on Miami. That said, if you like bad music, bad fashion sense AND bad coaching, please click here.

Hangin' Half a Hundred--Remembering

When I hang half of zero on my desktop calculator, I still get zero.

It takes some of the sting out of the 1995 Sanford Stadium visit from the Evil Genius.

Erk wouldv'e been mighty proud.

Steve Spurrier Quote of the Week

"That's how dumb-ass we are right there. The quarterback didn't know (the center) was snapping the ball. We had our chances. We're just stupid right now. And us coaches, we're stupid."

HOW TO FIX THE DROPSIES

My Bulldawg Bruthren and Silver Britches Sistren(?):

I want to start by saying: Mistakes happen. We all make 'em, and we're not here to put any more pressure on the young men we pull for each fall Saturday. However, if you see a problem, true leadership requires that you bring a solution to the table. We are here to help, and I suggest that we haven't been doing all we can as loyal fans of the Red and Black. That's right...as SuperFan would likely say, it's our fault.

After seeing Ben's recent email (see bottom of this post) regarding the "coaching up" of our WR's, I had a brainstorm and went straight to the one resource that may help us: The lunar calendar.

http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/MoonPhase.html

Friends, there will be a Full Moon at midnight (that's 12 o'clock in the AM) Saturday Oct. 7th, just in time for the Arrival of the Great Pumpkin, pictured here:

Actually, this is what happens when you leave Athens with a loss. It might be the Vol Walk, for all I know/care. But, I digress.

This full moon will also mark our last shot this season as true Dawg Fans to correct one glaring problem before the Really Big Games hit our schedule: the Dropsies

In olden times, dropsy was a medical term for swelling of soft tissue due to the accumualtion of excess water. Usually, this was a physical symptom of something more serious, such as congestive heart failure. For our purposes, it is the immediate rejection of a tempoary skin graft of pigskin by the soft tissue of the hands. It presents in unusually high pressure situations as well as second and 3 while up by 21, and is generally thought to be psychological in origin.

I am not calling specifically for UGA Psych majors to help. If you ever parked illegally in the Psychology Dropoff/Pickup lot between East Campus and Baldwin St., you can put this experience to use to help our receivers' ailing paws.

Now, without piling on or calling out any names, a little history on the affliction. It has plagued us ever since the end of the '94 Bammer game in Tuscaloosa: We needed just one first down to run out the clock... there was a Zeier bullet right to the gut of a Dawg receiver--dropped. The dropsies most recently appeared in this past Saturday's opener, right there in the end zone. You might think we're leaving someone out in this little trip down memory lane, but we'll get to him shortly. To be perfectly fair, we have seen some mighty big catches made by our beloved Dawgs: The "hobnail boot", the 1996 catch at the end of regulation w/Auburn that sent us to overtime, the even bigger catch at Auburn in 2002 that propelled us to the SEC Championship. We're just looking for consistency on balls that should be caught.

Here's where we step in:

If anyone on the Dawg list can take care of the following items, I think we can help our WR's. This may seem a bit drastic and possibly harsh, but an ounce of prevention towards the start of the season is better than a pound of cure later (more on that below)

• One live chicken (or a bucket of chicken from Weaver D's)
• Unpaid UGA parking ticket from Psychology parking lot. (Bonus points for citations in President Adam's personal parking complex)
• A 30-second loop recording of Munson trying to pronounce "Massaquoi" . Edit in bites of Munson's pleading, "Run, Lindsey!" from 1980.
• A lock of Terrance Edwards' hair. You know, we better include a couple of his fingernail clippings, too.
• An empty bottle from a previous "Dawg Pound", preferably one before the SEC Championship game
• A rosin bag used by Greg Maddux while an Atlanta Brave. (Why Maddux? Did you ever see any hard hit ball get past him? The man is like a cat)
• That voodoo lady from Savannah that was in "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"
• Have voodoo lady stop by Sonny Seiler's house on her way out of town and get UGA VI to donate some Dawg-slobber. A couple ounces should do for prevention, don't you think?

At the aformentioned appointed time...midnight under the full moon, a select few Dawg fans and the voodoo lady will gather by the cemetary just across the Oconee River from Sanford Stadium. The Munson loop begins...the gathered items (excluding the voodoo lady)are slowly consumed by fire...the group chants, "5, 10, 15, 20! 25, 30!" By now, the chicken is good and warmed up, so everyone eats a piece and goes back to the hotel for a likker drink (or to the tailgate spot to sit in the car lest the Adams Tailgate Patrol arrest you for Thinking Ahead)...

While it would be better for the mojo to get inside the stadium, post-9/11 who really thinks stadium security will believe your story that you just wanted to re-enact "Munson's Greatest Calls" by the light of a small bonfire on the 50? To make things worse, Munson pronouncing "Massaquoi" over and over would probably sound like Arabic...

The "pound of cure" nobody wants? Ask UGA how he got house-broken.

Ben's Analysis

I've been biting my tongue on this QB thing for months now, but it's starting to hurt too much so I have to chime in real quick. Simply put, I feel there are 9 wins on our schedule with virtually any of our QB's. However, the potential for a tenth maybe an eleventh win should we get a couple breaks in a key game rest with the QB's with a greater potential and play-making ability. Joe T appears to be an efficient game manager and should be perhaps even more error-free than a couple of the youngins for awhile. But the key games on our schedule (TN, Aub, and Fla)will require the QB of choice to make a play at somepoint to turn the game. I do not see that eminating from Joe T's ability level. If CMR's plan is to continue to start him in games until the youngins separate themselves in a pecking order, that is understandable. I just sincerely hope that by the TN game, Stafford or Cox have reached the level needed to be the starter. Because that is what will be required should we be looking to return to theGA Dome for anything besides the Peach Bowl. Maybe it was just me, but did anyone else see a difference in the QB's when they took the field? When Stafford took the field, you could just see he was looking to make something happen and move the ball. That was his primary focus, to go out and move the team. With Joe T, it seemed he came out to keep things "safe", not mess up, play the percentages and manage the game. That's all great for 8 or 9 teams on our schedule. But we're not going to be judged in those games- we'll be judged in the handful of games that will test us and require us to really make some plays and come out of the "safe" mode. Aub will eat us alive with that mentality. If we're going to lose to Aub- we need to leave all our bullets on the field at least and know we got beat. But lining up with a"Chan Gailey" at QB ain't going to get the job done this go-round.

On a better note- for the first time ever, our secondary is exciting to watch. Even the backups have the play-making ability. That is what is required to contend for titles. Our defense as a whole looks very strong and deep at most positions. As always though, if we could find a way to coach our receivers up- we'd be in the upper echelon of teams year in and year out. Our RB's are deep, our OL will come around to be solid by mid-season, but every player on our team responsible for catching footballs has problems (short of Mo Mass). Coach Eason is one of the smartest criminals around for continuing to find ways to receive a paycheck. Was there anything at all in the game Saturday (against a joke AA team no less) that looked good from our WR's ?? I can't think of much outside of a couple nice blocks for our RB's down field. This is the fifth season now that exposes our lack of development at the position. Our best receivers coming out of camp were Mo Mass (obviously) and a cornerback converted to WR. What does that say about how we've handled the position the last fewyears ? Still a glaring problem and will affect the offense this year yet again. All the more reason to have a QB that can make a play and have a serious impact on the play of our WR's. Just one man's opinion of course.

Ben